SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Ian and I were away last week and our first item of business when we returned was checking the mailbox. The usual ritual is...  I go through the mail and separate it into piles of junk, bills, just for Ian, and just for me.  I rarely receive mail just for me other than a number of banks informing me that I am pre-approved for their credit card.  They obviously didn't get my message that I am smarter than that.

I was intrigued when I discovered an envelope addressed to me.  It was a business envelope (beige, with a little window in the front) and I couldn't decipher who the sender was.  My curiosity was piqued. Was it a government check perhaps?  I don't know why that thought would even occur to me but apparently unmarked mail  equals an unexpected windfall in my mind anyway. It never has before but I remain hopefully optimistic.

Can you feel the excitement building?  Are you wondering what wonderful surprise lay within that ordinary looking envelope?  Well here it is... ready for it?... a letter informing me that now that I am ancient fifty, it is time to have cancer screening for my colon.   That pretty much made my day... not!  The enclosed pamphlet provided some entertaining reading material.   Apparently there are two ways to screen for colon cancer.  The first requires a special kit that you bring home to take three samples (you can guess what of) over the course of ten days.  The second requires a visit to the hospital where basically they shove a special camera up your butt to look for signs ( I don't think they mean crop circles).  Neither one sounds in the least appealing.  I am also left asking questions... who checks the samples?  What is their job title?  How does that go down on a first date?  Is there ever a second date?  How long do you have to go to school to become qualified?  Yes, I have many questions.  Maybe I could apply for that job after all I know crap when I see it!

FURTHER CONFESSIONS

Here's a big confession although I don't think it will come as a surprise  to those who know me well...

I have the maturity of a preteen boy.   Remember when you were in school and it was time for "sex education" and the teacher would name a body part only to be met with some snickers form the boys? The "mature" girls would roll their eyes and sigh and one would voice her opinion about the boys needing to grow up.  Yeah, that wasn't me.  I wasn't even one of the girls mortified that the discussion was being held with boys present.  I was pretty much giggling with the boys.  The sad thing is, I never really outgrew it.   I think it hilarious when my husband says  things like "I like to keep it tucked  between my legs while I'm driving so it doesn't flop around." (he was referring to a bag of snacks he had)  I can't help it, I just start laughing.

"What?" he asked.

"Did you not just hear what you said?" I shot back.  He rolled his eyes which made me laugh all the harder.

I once had to leave a Sunday School class because the teacher used the word erected one too many times.  I was tired (not a good thing) and my daughter was there (we looked at each other and smiled, again, not a good thing).

So basically I am a twelve year old boy... which would explain why Matt Fuller wants to be my boyfriend.

PERKS

One of the perks to owning an iphone is that I have a video camera at my disposal at all times which allows me to capture random moments like this...

This was shot at a Best Buy store in Toronto.  Nathan decided to try out the xbox Kinnect and I decided to pull out my iphone and capture the moment.  What you can't hear (because of my awesome editing skills) is Nathan warning me that I had better be getting some shots of the TV screen so people could see what he was really doing.  Things he didn't say:

Don't post it.
Don't blog about it.
Make sure when you edit it, to keep the shots of the TV screen in the movie. (This was impossible because I didn't actually take any video of the TV.)

When my kids would sometimes get in trouble when they were younger a favourite excuse was "Well you didn't tell us NOT to do it." ...and I wonder where they got it from?

CONFESSIONS

There are some things I don't like about myself... hard to believe, right?...but it's true.



Confession 1:


I am a closet hypochondriac.  If I've read about it, I've had it. You name it and I've had at least two or three of the major symptoms.  I self diagnose all the time and I am almost positive that I am dying from some terminal disease or another.  I have had to ban myself from watching Mystery Diagnosis on the Health Channel.  The only reason I am not dead right now is because after a day or two of developing cancer, MS, and a host of other diseases, my miracle body spontaneously heals itself.  I am sure if the medical science profession knew of my body's unique healing abilities I'd be in some research hospital right now with a horde of needle wielding nurses hovering over me,so lets keep it on the down low.

Confession 2:


Bad spelling bothers me. I equate spelling with intelligence even though I know that it is not a good indicator.   I won't even reply to a kijiji ad if there are blatant spelling mistakes in it.  I don't care how much I want the advertised item, that's why I was mortified when this  happened.  It drove me crazy to think that someone believed I was an atrocious speller.  I am a spelling snob.

Confession 3:


I think sometimes that my husband is trying to kill me.  He has no idea that I am on to him that is why I have escaped serious harm.  Red flags go up when he offers to make dinner.  He doesn't/can't cook so I know he's out to poison me.  I always make him take the first bite and I switch plates when he's not looking.   I always check the brakes first thing when I get into the car too, to make sure they're working. Oh I've seen him out on the driveway supposedly shining the tires (more like slashing the brake lines or at least I know that's what he'd be doing if he knew what a brake line looked like).  Did I mention that I suffer from an overactive imagination?... maybe that's where the hypochondria comes from...note to self...stop watching Tru TV.  I can't believe I would think such things about my wonderful husband.... but if anything suspect happens to me, show this to the police

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

In honour of St. Patrick's Day, I thought I would bake some cookies...

these are not them!

Can you believe that a bakery had the nerve to put these on their shelves?  I can think of all sorts of little captions to place under that photo but since none of them are appropriate, I will refrain.  I know, it's a first but I am trying to be better behaved unless of course I receive enough encouragement.  : )

SPRING HAS SPRUNG

It was a gorgeous ten degrees celsius today, a far cry from the winter snow storm we had just a week ago.  Yesterday was almost as nice.  It has gotten me excited for summer which is surely just around the corner... right?...right?
  In anticipation of summer's arrival,  I have just finished sewing a couple of little summer dresses for my two youngest granddaughters.  They are so cute and even though they are very similar, believe it or not not one piece of the same material is used in the other.  I am not sure which one I like best.

I think that my little model makes the dresses extra cute and  the little headband makes her little bald head even cuter than it already is.

CAN YOU TELL?

Ian and I had dinner tonight at a Japanese restaurant.  As we went to the front to pay for our meal, I asked the young Asian lady taking our money if she had any family back in Japan.  She looked surprised then said "I'm chinese."  
"Oh" I replied "I'm sorry.  I just can't .... er... um... I just thought being a Japanese restaurant...yeah, that earthquake was horrible."

I was proud of myself for not blurting out that I just can't tell asians apart.  I came this close.   She was probably thinking "stupid white woman can't even tell a Japanese person from a Chinese person."  She'd be right.

While in Korea, I asked a Korean gentleman if white people all looked the same to him.  He admitted that yes we did.

Seriously?  We have different coloured hair and eyes!

Can you guess which girl is from where?

SKOOL DAZE

Since I am on the topic of embarrassing school stories...

I was friends with Brittany's grade 3 teacher so when Brittany had to leave school early to go for a doctor's appointment, I thought I would send a funny note to inform her teacher.

When I picked Brittany up at the school I asked her if Mrs. kay had laughed at my note.  It was then that she informed me that she had a substitute that day.  Embarrassing yes but still not as bad as yesterday's post.

OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOT

Have you ever done or said something that even years later  can cause your cheeks to burn with embarrassment?  I had a couple of friends come by for a visit yesterday and something that was said triggered a memory that I shared with them and we all had a good laugh  about it but as I was relating the story I could still feel the shame.

The Story

I had gone into Nathan's grade 2 class to volunteer for the morning.  It was in early October and as I walked into the room, his teacher was writing Halloween words on large lined paper resting on an easel.

Later in the morning during recess, I began to make small talk with the teacher.

Me:  "That's really cute, how you made the kids spelling words all scary looking."

Teacher: " I have Parkinson's Disease."

Awkward!  

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES

So I celebrated a pretty significant birthday a couple of weeks ago.  I told Ian that I didn't want a big fuss made and that I preferred to mark the occasion by having dinner with the family which is basically what happened.  Some of the evening I am not allowed to blog about or post pictures of, which is a real shame but I will honour the request even though it is practically killing me not to share.

The table all decorated.

Brittany and I spent the day in town while two of my lovely daughters-in-law decorated the dining room, made dinner and prepared a special surprise. I came home to find my sweet little grandchildren all dressed for a special dinner, the dining room decorated with flowers and a digital photo frame all set up with family pictures.  The paper flowers on the wall contained words to describe me with the names of the submitters included.   Some of the words written weren't all that surprising because after all,  I am pretty "amazing" and "wonderful"  that was why I was shocked when I found the word "humble" written on one... and why would a nice mormon girl like me find the word "cheater" on one and "thief" on another?  Probably because I have "cheated" death a few times and I "stole" my husband's heart.  Yeah, that must be it.   Actually, there are good stories behind those titles.  I have been known to cheat a few times at games but that  happened so rarely and only ever when I was losing (that is why it happened so rarely).  The thief title came after I took a poster from the toilet stall at the House of Blues advertising a band that was playing the next night.  I took it out of it's frame but my accomplice was the one that walked right out of the restaurant with it and her husband had the nerve to say I was a bad influence on her. sheesh!

Flowers sent from Daniel & Olivia

Anyway... it was a great day and I felt very loved by all those who took the time to write a few words describing me.  Thank you Olivia for doing all that.   The only thing that would have made the day more perfect would have been if Daniel, Olivia, and Adam could have been home for it.

I really would have loved to tell you all about my visit from Jack Sparrow but I have promised not to blog about it (I am probably breaking the rules by even mentioning it but I am bad like that)  and none of you would have believed it anyway.

So thank you to all who participated and helped make my birthday so very special.

MINIONS

After watching the movie Despicable Me (two thumbs way up by the way), I have been thinking about how wonderful it would be to have an army of minions following my every order.  Oh the things I could accomplish.  Do you have to be evil to have minions?  

I had a busy week at Brittany's helping her paint and decorate a couple of rooms in her new house.  Since I did most of the work and by most I mean all, I started to call her minion as I requested that she fetch scissors, get me a drink, iron curtains, and clean up my creative mess.  It was absolutely wonderful.  She didn't dare say no or even complain, after all I was doing this solely for her benefit.  Life is good when you have one minion I can't imagine how great it would be to have four or five of them.  I need to look into that. 

Before

During

After