FASHIONISTA

While in town grocery shopping today my lovely daughter-in-law suggested we stop by Winners to check out their amazing end of summer, clearance sale.  Being of Scottish descent I could not pass up the opportunity to save some money so off we went.   As we rifled through the clearance racks, I came across the ghastliest pair of pants I had ever seen.  It didn't surprise me that they were on sale for the very reduced price of three dollars.  I showed them to Emily and we had a good laugh.  I put them back on the rack and walked away but then the thought came to me that for three dollars I could have some fun so I put them in the cart and purchased them.

When I got home from shopping I slipped out of the jeans I was wearing and donned my new ghastly pants so that Ian would think that I had worn them in town. (This was done in the driveway before I entered the house... and I wonder why embarrassing things happen to me.)

Emily and I both were doubled over in laughter as we went into the house.  It was hard to wipe the smiles off our faces as Ian entered the room, in fact Emily hid her face behind the fridge door as she put groceries away. I waited for his reaction.

"What are you smiling about" he asked.

"Nothing" I replied.

"You were waiting for me to say something about the pants right?" (he thought I was testing to see if he would even notice them)

"Don't  you like them?"

"Actually I do."

His reaction surprised me and totally disappointed me.  It was so not what I was expecting.

"You like them?!!!!"

"Yes, why?  What's wrong with them?"

"I look like a peacock!"


This is why Ian is not allowed to buy me clothes.

I wore the pants for the rest of the night waiting to hear the reaction from both Matthew and Nathan.  Matthew didn't say a thing although he told me later he now knew where his brothers got their sense of style and Nathan said something about the '70s wanting their pants back.

I still can't believe that my husband would be okay with me going out in public with these on.

MOTHER'S DAY MEMORIES PART 2

Note to self: Do no write a blog right before bedtime.

After writing last night's post, I had a dream that I was in Wal-mart talking on my cell phone when I spotted a lady walking around the store smoking a cigarette.  I was shocked!  Other people were just giving her dirty looks but I felt I needed to say something so I told the person I was on the phone with to hold for a second and proceeded to tell the lady off.  She told me to mind my own business.  I threatened that I would call security and she hurried off while I shouted after her to hold on for a second all the while trying to pull the camera up on my cell phone. I even yelled to her "Wait! I need to get a picture for my blog."

Now on to the real subject of this post.

On the Saturday before Mother's Day when Adam was six, I was left home alone with our three oldest boys while Ian and Brittany attended his sister's wedding in Utah (Brittany was under two so could fly for free).  I was about eight months pregnant with our youngest and feeling every bit as tired as you would expect (especially when you consider my husband left me alone... on Mother's Day... with three little boys).  The day was sunny and warm so I suggested to the boys that we have a little picnic lunch in the back yard.  The two younger ones were thrilled at the idea but Adam wanted no part of it.  Democracy rules in our house when the vote swings in my favour so a picnic it was to be.  Adam was not happy and no amount of cajoling could convince him otherwise.  I busily prepared our lunch while he sulked.  I washed and cut up fruit and made a platter of sandwiches with the crusts cut off even.  I asked Adam to take the tray of sandwiches out to the picnic table for me.  I opened the door for him and went to the sink to make up some drink.  I watched from the window as Adam walked half way to the picnic table, stop, then deliberately turn the platter upside down spilling all the sandwiches onto the ground.  I lost it.  You would not have believed a pregnant woman could move so fast.  I was out that door and right behind him almost before the last sandwich hit the ground and I am not proud to say that  I nearly lifted him off his feet when my hand hit his backside all the while berating him for being so naughty.  It was at this point that I heard someone clearing their throat right behind me.  I turned in shock to discover a delivery man holding out a bouquet of flowers. "Happy Mother's Day?"  I still cringe when I think of it now.

MOTHER'S DAY MEMORIES

I have had a few memorable Mother's Days over the years.  There was the year it wasn't even acknowledged (I gave my family the silent treatment for three days until I realized they either didn't notice or were enjoying the silence entirely too much) and then there was the year I had to make dinner because the boys and their father were watching the NBA play offs and totally forgot (yeah right) that they were in charge of the meal making.  There are two particular years however that stand out in my memory and that I deem blog worthy. The first occurred when Matthew was about fourteen.  Steaks had been purchased to celebrate the day and I had resigned myself to the fact  that I would be grilling them because Ian refused to go near the barbecue (he'll barbecue now if I light it first).  To my surprise, Matthew announced that he was going to do the grilling and I was to just sit and relax.  What a sweetheart.  I was feeling a little trepidatious though as Matthew had never really used the barbecue unsupervised before.

"When you light the barbecue you have to be sure..."

"Mom, I know how to light it."

"You need to make sure though..."

"Mom, I know what to do."

"But I just want to make sure that you..."

"Mom trust me, I know what I am doing."

"I know but the igniter isn't..."

"Mom, I know what I'm doing!"


Out the door he went with Nathan following right behind him.

 Two minutes later the door flew open and Nathan ran in, breathless.

"Mom!" he yelled "You should see Matthew."

I jumped from my chair and ran to the door and almost ran into Matthew coming back inside, hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes singed.

When I regained control of my laughter, I cooked the steaks. I laughed for days afterwards until his eyebrows and eyelashes grew back in.  I know you're probably judging me right about now after all what kind of mother laughs at her son almost having his face blown off?  The same kind of mother that... oh wait, that's tomorrow's post.

ANY TAKERS?

For Christmas, we sent Adam some money to buy himself a new winter coat because he had left his old one here at home a whole year ago.  He called today from Korea and I asked if he had purchased one yet.  He told me no but that he had been looking.  He had found one he quite liked but he was waiting to see if he could find something he liked better.   It was then that I realized that my hopes of him getting married in the near future are pretty much dashed.  He can't even commit to a winter coat let alone a relationship.
"What's so hard about buying a coat?" I asked.  "You go shopping, find something you like, and try it on.  It fits? great. It looks good on you? wonderful.  Others think it looks good on you? bonus.  Buy the thing!

Since he is turning 29 in a few weeks I have decided to take matters into my own hands.  I am now accepting applications for a potential daughter-in-law. So all you single ladies out there take notice.

He's

• handsome
• bright
• musically talented
• kind
• mormon
• has a great sense of humour

What girl can resist this? 

I hope he has enough of a sense of humour to forgive me for this.  : )