I STAND CORRECTED

Remember when I bragged about my detective skills?  It seems my observational prowess is not nearly as great as I thought it was.  Yesterday I left my bank card in the debit machine at the grocery store.  In my defense I was distracted by the conveyor belt at the checkout I used.  It wouldn't stop moving and the cashier and I were struggling with it as I tried to remove boxes of jars off the conveyor belt and into my cart.  Fortunately it was at the very next store that I realized the bank card was missing from my wallet and I made a return trip through town to retrieve it.   I approached the cashier at the first till and asked where I should go to inquire about my card.

"Right here" she replied as she opened a drawer and pulled out a stack of bank cards.  "Can you tell me the last three numbers of your card?" she asked.

"ummmm.....no?" I ventured "but it's got my name on it."  I proceeded to tell her my name. She proceeded to tell me that there were no names on either of the two cards from my bank.  My heart skipped a beat.  Perhaps my card had dropped in the parking lot and was gone for good.
"Could you check the back of it please?  I know that my signature is on the back."
She checked.  No signature on either card.
"I was just here less than half an hour ago, and I left it at that checkout there." I explained as I pointed out the lane I had used.
"This would be the one then. "  She said as she handed me a card. "Maybe you could try and purchase something with it."

I did.  It worked.  Don't judge.

When you shop at a store that displays signs like this though,  it's hard to feel overly stupid.

KIJIDIOTS

Have you heard of Kijiji before?  Basically it's online classified ads only with pictures and bad spelling and grammar.
How bad can the spelling and grammar be?  Well let's look at some recent examples of ads I pulled off the site.

1.
 i am in need badly of a bed for my 20 month old he broke his bed and know dose not have one so if some one can help me in a bed i would greatly apercated and thank you for your time my number is ...

Where do I even start?  Not one period was used nor any other kind of punctuation mark for that matter. I checked, they do not charge extra for using punctuation, in fact the site is free to use. "know dose"? No I don't, I'm not a pharmacist.   The next time Ian "helps" me in bed I am going to tell him I greatly "apercated" it and thank him for his time.  I will laugh uproariously, he won't get it, I'll tell him,  he still won't get why I find it so funny, this will make laugh even harder.   

2.

Solide oak rocking chair barley used and in great condition.

It really chaffs my butt  when barley sits in my solide oak rocking chair.

3.

hey i have a fit pro up for grabs i'll sellin for $400 o.b.o the bars on it wont be sold with the bike because their not mine it will have a pair of grey one so e mail me with an offer

What????  I'm still not sure what this guy was "sellin"  but apparently it comes with a pair of grey one.  

4.

 have a pariba tourmaline apprased at 2200 selling for 1100 half price it's 2.9 carets also have a 54 caret citrine apprased at 2500 for 1250 also a non apprised 2220 ct emrald and a extreamly rare 2300 ct pigeon blood ruby make offers both are opaqe but keep in mind at that of lowest qualitys are price from 2 to 25 a caret but drop your offers 

Again not one period was used in the above ad. Three chances to spell appraised correctly, two different spellings, one huge fail.  Does no one have spell check nowadays?   It would not have picked up "carets"a mark (^, ‸) placed below the line to indicate a proposed insertion in aprinted or written text, but  it would have picked up "opaqe" and "qualitys" and "emrald" and "extreamly" and "apprased" and....  "Drop your offers"? Is she taking the lowest price submitted?

5. 

Bridemaid Dress color burgandy,size 16,made for tall women. I only wear it once ,need a dryclean , still in very good shape !! Also can be weared strapless.

Did she mean bridesmaid or bride made?  I usually only wear my dresses once before washing too but none of mine can be "weared" strapless.  

Kijidiot 

noun informal

a person who places an ad on Kijiji without checking spelling or grammar. 

Yes, I just made that word up.