SUNDAY SMILE

For my friends overseas let me just explain to you that Walmart is a popular department store with prices that tend to be lower than other big stores.  People of all sorts shop there and it can make for quite entertaining people watching.  I have seen many interesting people at the Walmart where I shop including a transvestite with more than a little facial hair, and some people wearing outlandish outfits.  This seems to be so much the trend that there is an actual internet site where people upload photos of rather fascinating characters found shopping at Walmart.  You can check it out at peopleofwalmart.com

*Be warned that some of the pictures and comments on the site are a bit off.*  I have shared with you a sampling of what you can find there.

I am hoping that he was completely without clean underwear and decided to wear his wife's knickers just for that day.  That's definitely one way to take the focus off your white socks with loafers.  I know too many men who will not get that last comment.

I've already signed a paper allowing my kids to put me into a nursing home if I ever leave the house wearing an outfit like this when it's not halloween. She needs to be at least 60 years younger and 30 pounds lighter to pull this look off.  The socks and sandals are a no go at any age. 

I think I need to put a book together showing which outfits are grounds for my children to have me put in a home.  This would be on the first page. My gorilla costume doesn't count kids so don't get excited.

I have a feeling these guys were the inspiration for the song Pants On the Ground.
I've seen this more often than any one person should and I always have to fight the urge to go up to the offender and say something.  I am just wondering when it became cool to waddle like a penguin.  Am I so old that I missed that memo?

In what world is this okay?  

This is why Ian is never allowed to have facial hair...ever!

I hope so honey, for your sake I hope so.

THIS TIME NEXT WEEK

This time next week the tent will come down, the company will be gone, and I will hopefully be relaxing with my feet up on the sofa. I can hardly wait. Ian has taken this entire next week off of work to "help" with the final preparations. I will probably send him golfing (read it and weep Haki). I love my husband dearly, he has many talents but helping with wedding preparations is not one of them. For the time it would take me to explain what I want done, it would be faster just to do it myself.

Ian: What can I do to help?

Me: Can you make some paper flowers for me?

Sure I think I can manage that.

Take eight sheets of tissue paper.

How can you count out eight? These papers are all sticking together.

Dampen your finger.

It's putting holes in the paper.

I said dampen it not slobber all over it.

Okay, I've got eight now what do I do?

Do an accordion fold all the way down.

What size do I make the folds?

About an inch wide.

Does this look right?

Yep. that's fine.

But I don't think it's an inch.

It will be fine.

How come it's uneven on this side?

You'll have to redo it.

It's still not going right.

Here let me fix it. Now wrap a piece of wire round the middle and snip the ends into points.

Is this the middle?

Close enough.

How should I cut the ends?

Into points, you know, like an arrow.

Where do we keep the scissors?

The same place they've been for the last eleven years.

Oh... in the kitchen?

Yep.

It's hard cutting through all these layers. I can't do it. (frustration creeping in)

Just cut through a few layers at a time.

Okay now what?

Carefully peel each layer up and to the middle one at a time.

Oops... it ripped.

Gently, gently.

Uh oh, I ripped another piece.

You have to be really gentle.

Ummm.... how come it's ripping all the time.

It's tissue paper.

How come mine doesn't look like yours?

Maybe it has something to do with all the rips.

Is there another job I can do instead?

This was the simple job

Oh!

In the meantime, I've made three paper flowers, and written this post.

MEN ARE FROM MARS

It's been interesting watching people's reaction to the "big news" and it has made me realize just how different men are to women. It has been made even more evident discussing the reception plans with my husband and married son. The males are totally unfazed with the daunting task of putting a wedding together in just seven short weeks. They believe that seven weeks is more than ample time. Here is my idea of of a wedding planned by a (straight) guy. In other words, my husband.

Invitations= just call everybody on the phone, it's free and a whole lot easier. If you want to get fancy, email them.

Dinner= KFC, everybody loves that stuff.

Drinks= buy a few cases of soda, saves on glasses.

China= paper plates, no cleanup

Flatware= plastic cutlery, it comes in white, perfect wedding colour.

Decorations= what are those?

Wedding dress= Wear your mother's, she WAS your size when I married her. I'm sure it will fit.

Venue= We can clean out the garage. No one will notice the oil stains.

This is why my husband will not be involved in any of the reception plans. I will smile politely at his suggestions, ask for the check book, and roll my eyes heavenward as I walk away. Perhaps this was his plan all along.