NO SAFE PLACE

I have been good about limiting my time watching Tru TV and The Health Channel except for when Ian's around, then I watch Tru TV.

Me:  "I don't know why these men think they can get away with murdering their wives, don't they know that the husband is always the first person the police investigate?"

This is met with silence. Does he not know that this is not a rhetorical question?

I continue "and in an age with so much sophisticated forensic technology, you would have to be stupid to commit a serious crime."

"You would have to be pretty stupid" he agrees. Good, I think he got my point.

So anyway, now that I am limiting my time watching these channels I am left watching the Sci Fi channel.  I thought this was a good choice until last week when I was home alone late at night and heard a noise outside.  My first thought should have been a raccoon, skunk or deer but no, now I imagine aliens (don't laugh).  To my understanding they tend to land in secluded areas and go about what aliens do.  I live in a secluded area and who knows, perhaps I am just the kind of specimen aliens are looking for.  According to Stephen Hawking, if you should run into an alien you should avoid contact with it.  Really? 'cause I thought maybe you would invite it in for tea... herbal of course because I am Mormon and we don't drink tea or coffee.
Let's forget aliens for a second, did you know that there are asteroids flying all around our lovely planet and that it's only a matter of time before we are hit with a big one?  I've been to Arizona and seen the huge crater where one hit before.  This is not my imagination people.  We're basically playing dodgeball with these things and there is no safe place to hide.
Don't worry friends I am not really too worried about the asteroid thing after all there's not much we can do about it anyway, and I don't really believe in aliens unless of course I am home alone late at night.

SIGNS

Top ten signs that you were a good mother.

1. You read to your kids almost every night.
2. You did helped your kids with their homework.
3. You fed your kids healthy, well balanced meals every day.
4. You read scriptures and had family prayer almost every day.
5. You gave your kids lots of praise and affection. 
6. You played with your kids.
7. You sang to your  kids.
8. You taught your kids manners.
9. You made sure your kids were clean and well rested.
10. You taught your kids essential skills.

Top ten signs that perhaps you were not the best mother:

1. You laughed when your kids told you the mischief they'd been up to.
2. You paid your kids a quarter to slide down the stairs in a cardboard box.
3. You laughed when your child took a tumble out of a SLOW moving van.
4. You told your kids to go play outside but be mindful of bears then snuck around the back of the house and growled loudly.
5. You made your kids ride on roller coasters even though they were scared just so you didn't have to ride alone.
6. You encouraged your son to go into a lingerie store and ask to try on the underwear.
7. You slammed on the brakes and screamed when your kids fell asleep in the car.
8. You showed up at  the school cafeteria on your daughter's 16th birthday in a gorilla costume with a bouquet of balloons and a birthday cake to share.
9. You fed your son and his friends pancakes with tiny little weevils in them for an April Fool's joke.  Your in laws may or may not have been fed them too.
10. When people called to tattle report your children's misbehaviour, they would ask for their father even though you were the one that answered the phone.

FOOLISH ENDEAVOURS

I have to say it was quite enjoyable watching my super organized husband search for his glasses and watch on April 1st.  I hadn't really planned on pulling a prank on him because by now he's wise to me and it's hard to get him.  When I awoke on Friday morning I felt disappointed that I hadn't even attempted a prank, it was then that I spotted his glasses and watch sitting on his nightstand.  He puts them there every night before he goes to bed.  I could hear him getting out of the shower so I quickly grabbed them and slid them under the covers and pretended to still be asleep.  As he walked over to the dresser to get his socks, I opened one eye and mumbled good morning to him.  He walked over to his nightstand and wondered aloud about where his watch could be.  I pretended to not pay attention.  He muttered something about maybe it being in his office and off he went in search of them.  I remained in bed giggling under the covers.  He soon returned and now realized that his watch was missing too.  He looked at me but I played it cool, pretending to be semi comatose (my usual morning persona) and mumbled something about having no clue as to where they'd be.  He opened the drawer and then checked the floor beside the bed.  He was totally bewildered.  He went into the bathroom to see if perhaps he had left them in there the night before.  When he came back out, I threw back the blanket to reveal their hiding place. "Happy April Fool's Day"

To end the day, I served my lovely little grandchildren veggies for dinner only they were really Starburst candy I cut and moulded to look like peas and carrots.  They have never eaten their veggies so eagerly before.

Did you pull a prank or get pranked for April Fool's?