BUSTED

You feed them, clothe them, tend to their every need for years and how do they repay you?  By ratting you out to their dad, that's how.  Oh, they look all sweet and innocent at first glance but don't be fooled. Deep down they are cut throat stool pigeons.  I had almost forgotten about our oldest child's revelation to his father about me running into a shopping cart that caused a significant scratch to our van, a story worthy of it's own blog.  Apparently his youngest brother and sister are following his example.
Hubby was in the big city for a few days on business and was able to spend an evening with our two youngest rats kids, when they divulged to him that he had been the subject of a few of my posts. Busted!  If you have spent any time with my darling husband, you will know how very private he is.  I thought he might not be too happy with the fact that I have been entertaining you all at his expense with stories of his technical and craftiness ineptitude but he seemed to take it all in stride.  He did however ask for the blog address so that he could view it for himself. I think I may be in trouble.  I also think that two of my children will be getting me an extra nice Christmas present this year.

The culprits.

SHOPPING EXCURSION

You may think that spending five hours in one store would be excruciatingly painful but not when that one store is Ikea and your shopping partners are your daughter and pregnant daughter-in-law. 
Highlights of our trip?

Our .99c breakfast: Two sausages, scrambled eggs, and home fries. mmmm... it sustained us for the whole five hours.

The deals: A set of food containers for $5, floor lamps for $10, a bookcase for $30. Kere was in her absolute bargain hunting glory.

The fun: Kere awoke that morning with a back ache so there were frequent stops in the store while she rested her back by reclining on the wonderful sofas on display. At one point, I instructed her to lie down and bring her knees to her chest in order to stretch out the lower back muscles. After a couple of minutes I told her to spread her knees apart and started to yell "PUSH".  We broke into fits of laughter at the startled looks on the other customers faces.

It was a great day and the only thing that could have made it better was if my other daughter-in-law could have been there.  We missed you Olivia.

They heard we were coming.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY

I kick myself now.  It was the perfect opportunity and I missed it.  Five men standing around a ladder looking up, with a sixth man (my husband) up on the top step trying to remove the canopy from our gazebo.  They all had their backs to me and it would have made a great photo but did I think to get the camera?  No.... I thought I would do the right thing and offer some assistance. I could see they were struggling to figure out how to get it off.  I opened the patio door and told them the finial needed to come off first.  They all turned to look at me with bewildered faces as if to ask "what?" I am sure not one of them wanted to look stupid by not knowing what a finial was so they stood there looking confused.  Dang it, another missed opportunity!  As soon as it was explained to them, off came the canopy in no time at all.  Had I not just got home from a trip to the big city and had I not been trying to get pizza in the oven for the lot of them, I am sure I would have not only got the camera out but the video camera would have been in my hand too and I would now be posting a video of six men trying to figure out how to remove the canopy.  I would have posted it on youtube. It would have gone viral.  I just know it.

TECHNOTARD

Technotard tekno-tard 
noun: techno- relating to technology and its use + tard- from the latin tardus meaning slow.
Okay, so it's not really a word.  I made it up. If it was a real word and you could actually look it up in a dictionary, I am sure you would find my husband's name under it as a definition.  I love my husband dearly.  As I have mentioned before, he has many talents but working with an appliance that has anything more than an on/off switch is going to be tough for him. This is especially true when it comes to our home theatre system.
He can...
turn on the TV
turn on the satellite receiver
change channels

He cannot...
select the right input for the DVD player
load the DVD player
turn on the surround sound
Apple TV? what's that?

It's not that he's never been shown.  I've given up trying to explain to him what to do.  It goes in one ear and out the other.  He doesn't pay attention because he figures he can get someone else to do it. That works when there is actually someone else in the house.   I once came home to find him annoyed at missing a crucial basketball game because he had somehow managed to press the favourites button on the remote that caused the TV guide to only display a list of our ten favourite channels.  It took me less than thirty seconds to realize what he had done and rectify the problem.
When it comes to Ian and technology, I feel like a genius.  He points out to me that he only does it to make me feel needed and useful.  Really?  Why then, did he have to go out for dinner one night because he couldn't figure out how to work the oven to heat the casserole I'd left out?

"I wasn't able to turn the oven on, is there a trick to it?"

"Did you try blowing in its ear?"


Not only am I technogenius, I am a comedienne as well.