BIGGER PROBLEMS

So much for the mouse problem, I now have a family of turkeys frequenting  my lawn each day.  I thought it was pretty funny when they first showed up.  So did the painter and the plumber.  We discovered that the slamming of the front door would send them into a gobbling frenzy.  I caught the painter going out one afternoon and when he got no response from the slamming door he purposely opened the door and slammed it shut extra hard just set them off.  I reminded him he was sixty not six.

The other day I caught one of them sunning itself on my deck.  

Again funny but the mess it left behind did not impress me, neither did the mess that came inside from the bottom of someone's shoe.  

I chased them off but they came back.  I threatened them with a big stick and still they came back.   I resorted to explaining to them that if I caught them pooping on my deck again, I didn't care who they belonged to, they would end up in my freezer.  So far so good.  I haven't seen them since which leaves me to wonder...

a) Can turkeys understand humanspeak?

b) Have my neighbours bugged my house, overheard me and kept them safe in their coop?

c) Did someone beat me to following through with the threat?

I also find it strangely coincidental that a single friend of mine posted as her facebook status that she was roasting a turkey. Very suspicious indeed.

PROOF

Dear Unbelieving Friend;


Perhaps now you will believe that it is an actual nail file and nothing but a nail file.  My nails have never been happier.

Sincerely Yours,

The Friend With Impeccable Nails

It's a what?????

Important facts to know before I relate this story.  

1. The night stand beside my bed has two large, deep drawers.

2. The one drawer is reserved for books that I am reading. (I can actually open this one without a struggle)

3. The other drawer is a catchall where I keep things that don't really have a proper place. (No comments Angela)

4. These drawers are about the last thing in my house that get tidied up on a regular basis.

5. I am easily distracted.

Here is how I embarrassed myself last week...

My daughter asked for some software cds for her computer (my old one).  I knew exactly where to find the actual software but could not find the paper that had the activation keys on it.  It dawned on me that I might find it in the night stand so I went to the bedroom and started digging through the drawer.  While searching for the paper I became distracted looking at old birthday cards etc. and was oblivious to the fact that I had both a painter and a plumber in the house, that my bedroom door was wide open, and that I was in full view of anyone that happened to walk past the door.

I came across a long silver cylindrical object.  I pulled it out of the drawer and puzzled over what it was and why it was in there.  I noticed that it had a button on one side so I pressed it and it made a vibrating noise.  I was kneeling on the floor pressing it on and off trying to figure out what it was and looked up just in time to see the painter walk by and glance my way.  He did a bit of a double take and then kept going.  It was then that I remembered what the thing was...

...an electric nail file.  There is a little hole at the top where you place different attachments.  I was mortified because I knew exactly what the painter was probably thinking.   Today when he came back, I had the thing sitting out in a very prominent spot with the box of attachments sitting beside it.  In case he didn't see it, tomorrow I will be filing my nails while I ask him how much longer until he's done the work.