WHAT DOES THE COW SAY?

One of the things about me that my daughter in law Emily finds highly amusing is my awesome talent at making realistic animal sounds.  With nine grandchildren this talent is used a lot and is particularly handy when it comes to singing 'Old MacDonald Had a Farm".  I have no problem showing this talent off and I can be very dramatic when it comes to the animal sounds (you should hear my elephant).

Last week I took one of my little grandsons to the Early Years Centre (a government sponsored drop in centre for children up to age six) and met up with Brittany and her two kids. Just before lunch it was circle time and we gathered to sing some action songs.  The facilitator changed it up this week and added 'Old MacDonald' to the repertoire.  I was disappointed when the first animal chosen by one of the kids was a horse (I haven't got that one down yet).  As we sang the second round the facilitator paused as we came to the part "and on his farm he had a ......" a little girl next to me shouted out cow and the facilitator continued "E-I-E-I-O , with a... and that is when I bellowed out a loud, deep moooooooo while everyone else said "oink".

DIVERGENT

I'm almost embarrassed to make an appearance here after not writing for months.  There has been plenty to write about but recently a part of me thought it a little vain to be writing about my personal life and putting out there for all to see.  Does that make any sense? I guess I have been listening to some complaints from friends about bloggers they follow who write long and involved posts about every detail of their lives. It made me wonder if they thought that about me and they were giving me a gentle hint.
Anyway, tonight was the first time in a long time that I thought to myself "I have to blog about this."

Earlier this week while watching TV an ad came on for the movie Divergent.  Having read the book (the first of a trilogy) I mentioned to Emily and Nathan that I would like to see it.  Ian even expressed that it looked interesting. Knowing Ian's distaste for sci-fi, fantasy, or dystopian movies I told him that it wasn't his kind of movie and then went on to explain the premise of the film and he quickly agreed that he wouldn't like it.  Fast forward to tonight.

Driving past the theatre.

Ian: "We should go see a movie tonight."

Me: "That would be nice."

Ian: " Oh look Divergent is playing. We saw an ad for it remember?  It looked good."

At this point I thought he was joking and was going to say something sarcastic but then it dawned on me that he had completely forgotten the conversation we had after the ad. Now I was in a bit of a conundrum. This is more or less what went on inside my head.
" Should I remind him that he won't like it and we can go see something else or should I keep my mouth shut and go and see the movie I really want to see?  He might end up liking it... he said himself it looked good...  he really doesn't like that kind of movie....  but this one he might like... yeah, he's not going to like it... but it's Divergent and it's at the nice theatre with the comfy seats."

We saw Divergent tonight. Depending on who you talk to, it may or not be good.

GENIUS

Have I ever told you that my incredibly good-looking, talented, oldest son is also a genius? I had an inkling that he was smarter than average when his teacher suggested he skip a grade but this past year he actually proved his genius status.
His office was dressing up in costumes to celebrate Halloween and so Adam put a sign on the back of his chair as he was leaving work the night before that read "Mr. Invisible".  He didn't show up the next day. Not only did he get an entire day off work, he also won movie tickets for best costume.  I've never been prouder.

CHRISTMAS PAJAMAS

Christmas pajamas are a bit of a tradition in our family but because most of our kids are off to their in-laws this Christmas, I decided to dispense with it this year. I was surprised by the disappointment this was met with (and not from my family).  So to ease the distress this has caused I have found some other families who were willing to share theirs.  Just be warned, some things can never be unseen.

Celebrating the redefinition of marriage and family, Bob poses with his wife and child.  I could be really inappropriate here but I will refrain.  

Jane discovered that the onset of menopause causes hair to grow in strange places. Again, I could say something really inappropriate and incredibly funny but I will contain myself.

This is just disturbing.

This is just wrong.

Ian got me this exact same outfit for Christmas.

Is it wrong that the most disturbing thingI find about this picture is the fact that the woman is wearing ankle socks with heels? 

"Dad, we couldn't find matching pajamas for you so you can just go naked."

All of a sudden, I am worried about the prospect of twins joining our family soon.  

Who thought that outfit was a good idea?  Not the husband obviously, he's the only one not smiling.

I think these kids wouldn't mind finding coal in their stockings.  It is black after all.  

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SUNDAY SMILE

I know I've been MIA for a while with no good reason really but I'm back now (for today anyway).  I thought I would share something that made me laugh out loud.  Click the link below and enjoy.  8 & 9 are my favourites.
Here's a teaser:

30 Naughtiest Dogs

A TALE FROM THE PAST

This little anecdote happened a number of years back when all five of my kids were under the age of ten.
 I had just said goodbye to Ian who was going out for the evening and I went to check on the kids who had been put to bed about a half an hour previously.  All of them were sleeping soundly so I decided I was going to run a well deserved,warm bath and soak for an hour.  As I lay there luxuriating in the bubbles the sudden thought hit me that I had forgotten to lock the front door.  That knowledge sabotaged any hope of truly enjoying my bath and my very active imagination set off a series of scenarios playing in my head all of which invariably lead to my untimely death at the hands of a serial killer.  As I lay there contemplating getting out of the bath to go and lock the door I noticed a shadow pass under the bathroom door.  It felt as if my heart stopped and for a moment I froze.

"Ian is that you?"  I called out.  "You're home late." I added, even though I was not expecting him home for at least another hour but I wasn't going to let my intruder know that.  I wanted him to think that someone would be home at any moment.
Not only was this met with silence but the shadow that had passed by now came back and stood still in front of the bathroom.
"Adam, is that you?"
Silence.
"Matthew, is that you?
Silence.
"Daniel?"
Silence.
"Brittany?"
"Nathan, is that you out there?  Do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Silence.
"Would you answer me please!"
Silence.
  My imagination kicked into high gear at this point.
I could see that the door handle was slowly being turned back and forth and I was convinced I was about to meet my doom.  I looked around the bathroom and realized there was absolutely nothing in there that  I could defend myself with and then I remembered watching something about the best thing you can do in a situation like that is to surprise your attacker because it will throw him off his game plan. This thought gave me courage, I wasn't going to be an easy target so I stepped out of the bath dripping wet, covered in bubbles, completely naked, and made my way to the door.  I undid the lock ever so quietly, yanked open the door, at the same time yelling in my very loudest voice "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!"
There stood three year old Nathan looking up at me with his big blue eyes, sheer terror on his face.
"Muuummy?"

SUNDAY SMILE-LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

One of the things I was looking forward to when we moved into our new house was meeting our neighbors.  At our old house we couldn't even see our neighbors but at our new house we are close enough that I can wave to my one neighbor through the window if we are both doing dishes at the same time and if I am out on the deck reading I can wave to the neighbor on the other side if she is sitting in her porch reading.
So let me tell you about our neighbors.  The lady on the one side of us is in her eighties.  Her husband is in a nursing home so she has her daughter living with her.  Up until about last week when the weather got colder I could count on her swimming by at least two times a day.  She is an inspiration to me.  I only hope that I am as active as she is when I am that age.
The neighbors on the other side of us are an Italian couple also in their eighties.  Fortunately they are all hard of hearing so they really don't mind when all seven of the grandkids are here whooping and hollering in the water. Anyway... the Italian couple often call me over to chat when I am in the yard,  this can be entertaining as neither of them hear well and both have thick accents.  One day John (83) calls me over.  "I have some cucumbers from my garden I wanna give you." he said to me in his thick Italian accent.
I told him I'd be over in just a minute, I just needed to grab a grocery bag to put them in.  I quickly ducked into the house because I was only dressed in my rather revealing bathing suit and I joked with Emily that I needed to put a cover up on or John might want to give me more than a cucumber. I headed next door and John told me what cucumbers I should pick.  The conversation went something like this.

"Your husband, how come I never see him?"

"He works for a living.  He'll be home tonight."

"He no stay around much?"

"Yes, he's just busy right now because we've been away a lot and he has some catching up to do."

"Ah! When he at home, he spend all his time with you?"

"Mostly but he likes to golf too."

"Okay so here all the cucumber I gonna give you."

"Thank you so much, I appreciate it."

"That's okay.  You give me a little kiss now eh?"

I wouldn't normally kiss the guy but we'd been to his house a couple of times and both he and his wife as I was leaving kissed me... on the lips...I thought it must be an Italian thing. So I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips and that's when he slipped in a little tongue action.  I couldn't believe it.  I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.  I pushed him away and gave him a little slap on the chest and I think I said "that's not okay".  I would have slapped him a little harder had he not been 83 and had I not been in total shock.
Later that afternoon we all went for a swim and I dove off the dock.  I happened to glance into their yard and there John was working on the retaining wall on his beach.  The next thing I know, off comes his shirt and he shovels away topless.  I would have put it down to coincidence except a couple of hours later he does the exact same thing.  I go in for another swim and the next thing I know, he is shirtless again.  Needless to say, my family has been having great fun at my expense.

SUNDAY SMILE (a day early)

For those of you who have not seen this yet, it is definitely a must watch.  This is an actual news report that went  on air the other day.

I am left wondering how many people saw these names before it went to air.  Even I knew there was Sum Ting Wong as soon as I saw it.
Thanks to my son Daniel who shared this with me.  It made made a great day even better!

TRUE STORY

This morning my adorable little grandson Ammon, was trying to walk to me with his father's help and just as he reached me he slipped and hit his head on the arm of my chair. I picked him up to console him but he was pretty upset and nothing seemed to comfort him, I even offered him a bit of the granola  I was eating but he was having none of it.  I handed him over to his mother and noticed that I must have dropped a bit of oatmeal onto the back of my hand so I picked it up and popped it into my mouth and chewed on it.  The taste and texture wasn't quite what I was expecting so I spat it out into my hand to discover much to my horror that I was chewing on Ammon's crusty booger.  Now even hours later, I still feel sick at the thought.  They don't taste quite like I remember them.

GOTTA LOVE KIDS

You can never let your guard down when you have kids.  If they aren't getting into some sort of mischief because you've left them unattended for two minutes (this is enough time to dump an entire two liter bottle of vegetable oil onto the kitchen floor), they will be sure to embarrass you with some unsolicited observation in a crowded grocery store... "oooh that lady is sooooo old" this said in a loud voice regarding a lady who couldn't have been over 50.

  I came across the following video and just had to share.  It made me laugh out loud and I am sure you will get a chuckle out of it too.

SUNDAY SMILE

It's only two and half short weeks until the big move but who's counting?  There are a lot of mixed emotions being experienced around here and today seemed to be especially tough for me.  I am excited to be moving closer to my kids and grandkids but I have an extended church family here whom I am going to miss.  *sniff*

A friend posted this video on Facebook and it made me smile (and I needed that today) so I thought I would share it with you.  Enjoy!

MISSING IN ACTION

I have had a few people question me lately as to why I haven't been writing on my blog.  I really don't have a good answer but you can choose one for yourself from the excuses below (one or more of them might actually be real).

The reason I haven't posted on my blog for three months is because...

• blogging is so last year.
• I let it go so long that it just got embarrassing. 
• I started reading 50 Shades of Grey and I haven't left the bedroom since.
• my husband has banned me from writing because of risqué  comments like the one above.
• I received some unsolicited criticism from someone about my writing and it kind of put me off writing.
• I am perfecting my greatest talent...procrastinating. 
• my life is so totally awesome and I am too busy living it. 
• it was weird having mere acquaintances know so much about my life.
• there were no funny stories to tell people when I saw them because they had already read them on my blog.

I have been trying to spend less time with technology and more time doing other things so blogging was one of the things I let slide.

Here's a few highlights from the past few months.

I redid the grandkids bedroom.  The girls were so excited to sleep in it that I found them in bed right after supper one night.  I had to tell them to get up and go play because I didn't want them in bed at six and up at five.

We held an awesome tobogganing party in February complete with hot chocolate bar and Chinese lanterns.  

There was a trip to Florida in March with two of the grandkids and it just made me excited for our big family trip in November to Disney.

There was an Easter egg hunt...

and a squirrel hunt.  I caught four of these little guys in a matter of a couple of days.  I even spray painted one because I was pretty sure they were coming back even though I was driving them at least ten miles away (two as far as thirty).  Somehow they managed to get into the ceiling and would wake me up each morning at around five.  I think I have won the battle (fingers crossed).

So whatever the reason I've neglected my blog, I am back now and I have a few funny stories tucked away in my memory that I'll be sharing soon.  

SUNDAY SMILE

Ellen's minions did all the work for me this week.  Enjoy!

ROAD TRIPPIN'

 Back in the day before portable DVD players and Ipads all we had to entertain ourselves on long trips was playing games and singing songs.  We've given up singing songs together because that would just be awkward but we do still play games.  As Nathan, Emily, and I made our way to Florida last week we decided to play a game to help pass the time.  We call it the Alphabet game and we choose a  topic and taking turns starting at A try to guess answers in alphabetical order.  If you can't guess on your letter then you get a strike, three strikes and you're out.  We chose the topic "Countries" and let Emily go first.

"Africa" she guessed.
"That's a continent" Nathan informed her. We laughed.
Strike one for Emily.
Botswana was Nathan's answer and I followed with Canada.
Now it was Emily's turn to answer for D.
"Delaware"  she quickly answered "oh wait, that's a state right? " I almost drove off the road.
Strike two for Emily
Nathan then guessed a country for D, me for E and so forth until we got to I.  It was Emily's turn.
"Islam!" she called out quite proud of herself.  Nathan and I fell into fits of laughter at this point.
Strike three, she was done.
Trying to cheer her up I said "It's okay Emily, Nathan finds stupid sexy."
"Stupidsexy?" she asked. "What does that mean?"
I could hardly stay on the road.


I was only allowed to tell  this story on the condition that I point out that it was very late at night, and we were all tired when this transpired. In her defense, Emily is normally an extremely intelligent young woman and even late at night she is a very good sport.

SUNDAY SMILE

I have been doing a bit of online shopping this past week in preparation for Christmas.  These are some of the products I have passed on for various reasons.

1. My butt doesn't need a lawyer but when it does...

 2. I don't think I could ever be thirsty enough.

 3. I don't eat with this orifice.

 4. I find washing my clothes with barf doesn't get them as clean as I would like and I really don't care for the scent.

 5. I am not eating sugar right now but apparently the Aussies love this stuff.

6.  I hear these are very addictive.

 7.I think this goes with the crack sticks.

 8. I'm not even going to comment on this one.

A NOT SO GOOD DAY BUT...

My morning started at 5:00 am (isn't that technically still night?) when I heard a little girl coughing outside my bedroom door.  She climbed into bed with me and after a little while went back to sleep until 7:30.  I wish I could say the same for me.

After breakfast, Nathan came down the stairs to announce we were out of milk just at the same time that Lilah asked for some peanut butter toast (she'd already had two bowls of cereal).  I left Nathan to make her the toast while I ran to the corner store to get some milk and to the post office to pick up a parcel.  When I got back Lilah was sitting on a chair in front of the television with a plate of toast next to her.
"Aren't you going to eat your toast?" I asked her.
"No" was her reply.
"You don't want it?"
"No."
"Can I have it then?"  ( I hadn't eaten yet)
"Yep"
I took a few bites of the toast then asked "Did Uncle Nathan make you two pieces and you ate one already?"
"Nope just the one" she replied "I licked it."
Did I mention she's got a cold?

I opened the parcel that had come in the mail.  It was from Vista Print and it contained invitations to the Chili Cook Off being held at our church next month.  As I admired the invitations I noticed a major error (and here I had thought I had been so careful in my proofreading when ordering them).  I have the date listed as 2012 instead of 2013.

All this and it wasn't even 10:00 am.  I was feeling rather sorry for myself until I saw this a friend had posted on Facebook.

PINTESTED

You should know by now of my love affair with Pinterest.  All my friends who do not use Pinterest think I am a creative genius the others are totally unimpressed. "Ya" they'll say "I saw that already on Pinterest."

One of the cute little craft projects I saw one day was this little frame.

I decided to make one and hang it on the wall at the end of the hallway to our  bathroom.  I wasn't sure what Ian would think of it and if he would ever even bother to write on it but he has surprised me and seems to quite enjoy the little love notes I leave for him.  He even reciprocates and leaves me little messages that warm my heart.  Sometimes the notes can even get a little... um...playful for want of a better word and I have to think twice before I tell someone that they can just go into my room to grab something from my bathroom.  Don't worry I am not going to share those ones with you but here are a couple of innocuous ones.

This one was in reference to those hideous peacock pants I wore once( and never again).

 This is one from just recently when I redid our bathroom.

Yes, I know my husband's handwriting is neater than mine and no it didn't actually take three weeks for him to notice.  He had been away for that long but it still made for a funny comment that was technically true.

SUNDAY SMILE

Was it just yesterday that I was sitting on a beach in sunny Miami?  It seems like ages ago already.  Apparently there were a few celebrities staying at our posh hotel but the only interesting things I spotted were a couple of overweight old men donning speedos.  Seriously it was like watching the carnage of a road accident as you pass by, you know you shouldn't stare but you just can't seem to help yourself.  I had the good taste not to take any photos, okay that's a lie... I just didn't have my camera with me. We all know my sense of decorum.  To prove it watch this.  If you don't at least smile we should maybe reconsider our friendship.

BUSTED

Brittany was visiting last week with her two little ones and one morning Ava was up before dawn.  Not wanting her to wake anyone (too late really because she'd already woken me up) I brought her downstairs to the basement, turned on the TV, told her to play with some toys, and tried to go back to sleep on the sofa.  She informed me that she wanted breakfast.  I spotted some candy cane oreos left on the bar from the night before and in a weak moment handed one to her.  She was happy while I felt marginally guilty (it was six in the morning, the real guilt wouldn't kick in for another three hours) for feeding a two year old a cookie for breakfast and hoped her mother wouldn't find out.  

After everyone was up and we were about to have breakfast, Ava removed the soother from her mouth and I heard Brittany ask what was around Ava's mouth.  I looked and there were the tell tale signs of black cookie crumbs in the corners.  Busted!  I got a telling off as is only right and apologized.

A couple of minutes later William piped up " You know those Reese's chocolate bars you have downstairs?

"Yes" I replied.

"Well I bought some at the store (he had been playing with an old wallet and pretending to buy various things with a hotel key card he was using as a credit card) and I gave one to Aunty Pretty (Brittany) and guess what... she ATE IT... BEFORE BREAKFAST!!!!!

Busted

TOP 5

The top five reasons you know you have been watching way too much I.D. Channel

5. Spotting strange shoe prints on the deck evokes thoughts of a homicidal maniac roaming the back yard.

4. Seeing strange shoe prints in the snow prompts detective like deducing... small, pointy, probably a woman's.

3. While outside investigating the source of the shoe prints yelling at your daughter in law "Don't contaminate the scene!" as she traipses through the snow.

2. Taking pictures of shoe prints in the snow.

1. Placing a ruler next to the shoe prints  for a point of reference for the police.

As it turns out, the pointy, small shoe prints belonged to my husband who had come up onto the deck to change the bags in our recycling bins.