THE LASHES PART 2

They're off!!! The infamous fake eyelash extensions are a thing of the past. I know I should be happy about it, but part of me is a bit ticked, after all they were very expensive and lasted only two weeks of a promised eight. Apparently if you want them to last for the eight weeks, you're not supposed to blink, wash, rub, or even smile with the things on. Unfortunately for me, I suffer from seasonal allergies, and with all the ragweed we have growing in the field at the back of our house , my eyes have been watery and itchy. It just about killed me but I did manage to refrain from rubbing my eyes. There was nothing I could do however about the tearing. My right eye in particular seemed to be affected and one morning I awoke with a little bit of the lash falling off. It was on the outside corner and when it came off it was hardly noticeable. The next morning there was a little more coming off and I wondered if there might be some glue I could use to put adhere the few lashes that had come off. I could tell the lashes on my right eye were doomed. It was like having a loose tooth as a child and I just couldn't resist touching and playing with the lashes, they were drooping and getting in the way of my vision. At this point, I was now driving to the city to attend Daniel's wedding. The lashes on my right eye tore off easily and I was in the predicament of having overly long, lush, dark eyelashes on one eye and barely noticeable, stubby, fair lashes on the other. As I am a safe driver, I did not bother to look in the mirror to check out my new look which probably would have made me laugh so hard I would have driven off the road and ended up in a fiery heap. My problem then, was how to get the lashes off my other eyelid? I had another couple of hours of driving left which gave me plenty of time to work away at them. I started on each corner and slowly worked off the glue and soon was left with a narrow little strip in the middle that was being quite stubborn. I took a deep breath and yanked firmly on them. Ta dah! Off they came with just a little discomfort. I relished in the joy of being able to rub my eyes again. Pure heaven, but wait..... what???? No!!!!!!!!! It seems while removing the last of the fake eyelashes I ripped out a rather large chunk of my own. Child number 5 thought this uproariously funny and couldn't wait to tell his other siblings. They have no respect for me whatsoever.

THE THINGS I GET TALKED INTO

Over the years my children have managed to talk me into doing things that if I had a clear moment to think about, I would probably never seriously consider. For some inexplicable reason, my usually dependable common sense seems to fly out the window when my daughter becomes involved in matters of beauty and fashion. There have been many purchases I have regretted upon returning home from a shopping excursion with her. Last week, as we were preparing for the big day, Brittany suggested we go and get manicures and pedicures. Safe. I love my painted toes. It was then suggested that we get spray tans (I wonder who's paying for all this?). I declined, worried that I might end up too dark or perhaps even orange. Smart. Brittany did not turn out orange but you should see the inside of her white T-shirt. Her wedding dress didn't fair much better. The crowning glory to all the beauty prep? Eyelash extensions. No, not the false eyelashes that go on in a single strip across your eyelid but rather a lengthy and expensive process of glueing longer and thicker lashes to each of your existing lashes. Once done there is no need for mascara or eyeliner. Did I mention these are expensive? As the technician pointed out, they do last for two months if you look after them.

All my life, I have wanted longer eyelashes. Mine are short, sparse, very fair, and they are hardly noticeable even when I am wearing globs of mascara. I worried though that the extensions might be too drastic and I debated with Brittany for a long time over it. She won and we made the appointment in Toronto (this service is not available in the city we live in). Brittany went first. It took the better part of an hour to glue them on. She looked great. My turn next. I lay down on the table, the technician taped closed my eyes, and proceeded to glue on the shortest lashes in her collection then almost an hour later, handed me a mirror. I wasn't impressed. Maybe there is a reason I don't have long, dark lashes. I got back to our hotel and my little grandson was reluctant to give me a hug and kiss goodnight. I went into the bathroom to check out my new lashes and laughed so hard I almost fell over. My boys could hardly contain themselves when they first saw me. Brittany thought they looked great and my husband thinks they are nice too. Seriously? How can you not break out into fits of giggles when you see me?

I have to thank all those that came to the wedding receptions (there were two) and did nothing but look curiously at me as they came through the receiving line. I appreciate your feigned ignorance of my ridiculous lashes. Why do I let Brittany drown out the little voice of reason that warns me against these follies?

It's been almost a week and I am starting to get used to them. I am no longer startled when I catch my reflection in a mirror and I am getting used to the way people check them out when talking to me.

I won't be posting pictures.