OH THE THINGS YOU FIND OUT

I was never under the delusion that my children were perfect but I did believe them to be fairly well behaved, respectful children.  Now that they are grown up, far from home, and feeling safe from any parental retribution, I am hearing stories from them that make me shake my head and sigh but most times laugh (which is not what I would have done at the time).

While talking the other day, Adam revealed to me that he had had little respect for his grade twelve english teacher. This was not news.  I remember him complaining about her lack of knowledge. "Mom" he had said to me "she doesn't even know the difference between a metaphor and a simile."

Disclaimer:  I will be using a word that some might find offensive so stop reading here if you are easily offended. 

So here's what went down many years ago in Adam's grade twelve english class.

Teacher: "Does anyone know the the name of the literary term used by authors to hint at what is to come later in the story?"

SIlence

Teacher:"Nobody knows?

Adam calling out from the back of the class: "Foreskin."

Teacher: "What? Did I hear something?"

Adam louder this time: "Foreskin"

The teacher turns to the board and starts writing: "That's right, foreshadowing."

I am still laughing.

A BOY'S INFLUENCE

He was the one that could talk me into doing the most ridiculous things.

(Matthew to me skiing on the bunny hill with the little kids on a school trip): "Mom you are totally ready for the big run"

"I don't know Matthew... I think it's best if I just stay here."

"Mom, the hardest part is getting on and off the ski lift.  I've been watching you, I know you can do it."

"You think so?"  

"Yep, I'll talk you down."

I should mention at this point that he was only eight or nine at the time and that his idea of skiing was bombing down the hill at a breakneck speed.  I will also mention to those who have never skied before that getting on and off the ski lift is not the hardest part of skiing, stopping is.

I got about halfway down the hill, realized that I was going way too fast, tried to stop, couldn't, so decided to drop and roll (works for fires).  I rolled and slid and slid and rolled and finally came to a stop just below the lift.

 "Hi Mrs. J" called the giggling kids passing above me.

I got up and made my way to the chalet for a hot chocolate to celebrate the fact that a). I was still alive and b). I had suffered no major injury.

As I made my way to the counter, a hush descended on the lunchtime crowd and I could feel eyes following me.  I spotted my reflection in the window and saw that not only had my wool sweater collected huge snowballs as I had slid down the hill but my hair was snow caked and sticking out at all angles.   

Matthew is all grown up now and has a family of his own.  He has matured and no longer encourages or dares me to take risks.  I miss our adventures.

This is my most recent picture of him and is a huge hint in reference to my last post.  : )

FIRE'S BURNING

Yesterday I caught my son lighting birch bark on fire with a magnifying glass... he's 27... and his three year old son was with him.  When confronted he explained that he was teaching his son survival skills.  As if  I was fooled.  There would have been no "Look son, the convex lens of a magnifying glass concentrates the rays of the sun into a point creating enough heat to start fires."   It would have been "Hey son, come check out all the cool  stuff you can burn with this thing."

He forgets I am his mother and we have history.  This is the same son who with his brothers, lit my giant pillar candle on fire by spraying WD40 at the flame.  They would never have been caught except someone was foolish enough to video tape it.